From Granddaughter to Grandfather

Grandpa was tall.

And big.

He never looked like a typical old man.

I've always had trouble remembering his age.

Because he looked younger than his real age.

He was 89.

When Grandpa walked,

He walked with a certain vigour that most men his age could not match.

He was strong.

He had balding white-grey hair,

A cheeky look in his eyes.

And a cheeky grin to go with it.

Back in my childhood,

Grandpa was like a giant.

Because to me he was always this big strong figure.

In my innocence,

I thought he was stronger than my dad.

And maybe he was, at the time.

I remember back then, I'd always bounce on his knee.

He'd carry me around,

And he'd tell me how small and light I was.

He did this until I turned 8,

By then I was told to be too old to be carried around like a baby.

However I'd still beg for it sometimes,

And he'd indulge me despite my age, and how heavy I'd gotten.

He was a little over 60 at the time.

That's how strong my grandpa was.

During the course of his illness,

Grandpa shrunk.

On his last birthday,

He was so small and frail, I nearly couldn't recognise him.

It was like he would break at the slightest touch.

Then it came.

It was raining heavily that day.

I was getting ready for a reunion with my primary school classmates,

When we got a call from my aunts.

My grandfather had lost his life to colon cancer.

I remember crying a lot.

I remember going to his funeral.

Although I saw him in his coffin,

I half expected him to spring back to life,

Demanding to be let out of that confounded box.

He never did.

When they sent him to be cremated,

I wanted them to stop.

I was afraid he'd be afraid of the fire.

I had delusions of him screaming for help in the heat of the furnace.

I nearly cried for them to stop.

Then a sudden realisation hit me,

Grandpa was dead.

The flames may burn as hot as they can,

The body in the coffin can't feel a thing,

It didn't move, much less scream.

He's not coming back.

I guess it took a while for me to realise that.

Or rather, to accept it.

Because out of all my grandparents, he was the closest to me.

He left the biggest impact on my life.

I remember when he first got news that I was enlisted for National Service,

He insisted to come to KL to see me (grandpa lived in Penang).

My tenderest moment with him,

Was when he showed me his violin.

It was his most precious thing,

And I felt honored that he showed it to me.

Grandpa was always this person that I loved to please.

It's like, when I see him happy or proud or showing any sign of emotion to me,

It gave me great joy.

Grandpa was never really an intense person.

It's probably because he's a typical China man.

They don't really show emotions.

If I said "I love you" to him,

He'd say "Thank you."

There would be no "I love you, too."

After the funeral,

I dreamed of him.

My whole family did,

But I think I saw him the most.

Around, 4 times, then it stopped.

The rest of my family only saw him once, I think.

Some were happy dreams,

Some were painful.

I'm no Buddhist.

In fact, I'm Christian.

But I'd give anything to see him in my dreams again.

I've never really gotten over the loss.

I don't think I ever will.

In fact, as I type this I can feel the tears formulating in my eyes.

But you know what they say about the ones you love?

That they never really do leave as long as you keep them in your heart?

It's true.

Because I find that whenever I miss him,

I think back on the memories I shared with him,

I think of how he would react to different situations,

His face,

His expressions,

His gestures,

And he lives again.

I don't want to admit it, but I have to.

Hits home, this entire paragraph.

Love is

Whenever he walks into the room,

Your heart skips a beat,

Butterflies have a grand party in your stomach,

And all of a sudden,

The world is a more beautiful place.

Your mood lifts a whole lot,

And your smile grows wider.

You'd be so unable to tear your eyes away from him,

Because it's like he's the only person in the room that matters.

But you take caution as you stare.

Should he turn to you,

You turn away, bashful.

Fearing he might think of you as crazy.

You'd forgive him no matter what shit he's put you through,

Because he's all you want.

Every hour spent with him goes by too fast,

And every second without,

Is far too slow.

His very embrace,

Makes you feel so safe.

As though all of your troubles, pain and sorrow,

Melt away the instant he holds you.

And you could just lie there for.... Well, ever.

'Cos it's your favourite place in the universe.

His kiss sends tingles up your spine,

And it feels so heavenly,

That you'd yearn for more.

You'd want to know everything about him,

To understand him.

And in knowing everything,

Even his uglies,

You'd still want to be with him, more than anyone else.

All the more,

You'd want to be there for him.

'Cos, well, it's him.

You'd have no reason for it, really.

The little things he does for you,

Even if it's as meager as... Opening a door for you,

Turn your legs to jelly.

It's what makes you trust yourself,

To want to break down those strong walls you've built to protect your heart,

And let him in.

Because, you'd trust him no matter what.

Because you'd want him to know you, too.

Losing him,

Would be unthinkable.

It'd be like losing a part of your soul.

And that would be your greatest fear.

You'd risk everything you have,

Even your life,

For him, as long as he's happy.

You'd give it your all.

You don't need to be with him,

Because as long as he's happy,

Even if it's with another girl,

You'll be happy.

Because that means putting one person's happiness before yours,

Not many people can do that.

That, to me,

is Love in its purest, truest form.

Help

I think I'm crazy.

I get curious way too easily,

Then I irritate the hell out of people by asking too many questions.

I love the idea of walking around in costumes,

Just because I can.

Like on Halloween,

I loved parading around in hugely thick eyeliner,

Just for the heck of it.

If I had a witch/zombie/(insert mythical character here) costume, I would've worn it too.

(For Foreign readers: We don't celebrate Halloween in Malaysia)

Last Thursday, I wrapped my scarf around my head like a Muslim (though I ended up looking like a farmer),

Cos I thought it was fun.

I like outlandish dressing,

Cos I think it's cool.

I like being different from people,

Because I think being the same is boring.

And I have this theory that we are all turning into robots because we all want to look the same/act the same/conform to something.

IT'S TRUE!

Case in point: Is it just me, or do all Korean girls look the same? (hint: Plastic surgery)

I like doing stupid things like dancing in the rain,

Cos I think that's the way to live.

I turned down a RM500 job offer,

Cos I hated the job, and I believe that I'm worth more than that.

Therein leaving the security of being employed.

I took up a 2nd internship that pays RM300,

Cos I love the job,

And I admire the boss.

I'm still not securely employed, by the way.

But I am damn happy and proud of myself, cos I love the work.

I am actually anticipating my first day at work.

I have these crazy ideas that I still wish would come true.

For example, I still harbor a secret wish to go into the television and enter TV world and live there.

I believe that unicorns exist. They're just hiding.... Somewhere.

I think that actual Wizards do live among us, and they study at Hogwarts.

I believe that failing is good, cos that's the best way to learn.

I also believe that I have the ability to change the world.

Make people think differently,

Inspire them.

And make the world a better place.

I'm one of those screw balls who believe that they are somebodies,

Those loonies who think that sticking out like a sore thumb is cool,

Cos it's what makes us different.

Yes, I'm crazy.

But do I care?

No, not really.

And I don't think I should, either.

Nicholas

I pity the guy.

First off, he's fat.

So fat, in fact, I fear he may die of obesity.

What with all the milk and cookies the children give him...

He's probably at a huge risk of heart disease and diabetes.

His time may soon come.

He's always having to keep track of who's naughty and nice.

Imagine, there are a bajillion children around the world.

Parents have so much trouble in keeping track of one.

But this guy?

He da man.

He's like a bajillion years old, and he still remembers the kids!

I bet he stalks them.

But seriously, how the hell does one person take care of a bajillion kids?

I think it's his elves.

I think they do the dirty work for him.

They probably wear invisibility suits.

And they go around stalking children.

They probably follow them everywhere.

Even to the toilet.

They probably write down every single deed they do.

Damn these guys are good.

But poor Nick has to process who's naughty and nice.

I bet the Missus complains.

I bet he's so busy he neglects her sometimes.

Like at night, when she wants to "get it on" with him,

His response would probably be:

"No dear, not tonight, I'm too tired."

When most husbands go "Yeah baby!"

So the poor guy probably doesn't have a thriving sex life either.

And who pays him anyway?

I mean, GIVING toys to people?

That can't be cheap.

And how can he pay those elves?

And kids these days, they don't want dolls and toy cars anymore.

They want iPhones, iPads, iPods, Wii, Xbox and all.

So I'm pretty sure the guy has to pay double for whatever presents he gives.

Man it sure is hard.

And all he gets is a fancy schmancy "Saint" in front of his name.

Just to make it more glamourous.

And as December approaches,

I bet he has more sleepless nights.

On the 24th, the poor old guy has to lug a huge sack (it's a wonder how his back doesn't break. Maybe it has, but that would've been catastrophic),

Drive reindeer and fly all over the world.

Go to every single house (do you even know how many there are?),

And stuff himself down chimneys.

As if it isn't enough that the guy is obese.

And before stuffing himself down the damned things,

He has to make sure that they aren't lighted.

Just in case his butt gets burned.

Plus, he's done this for hundreds of years!

It's a wonder that it hasn't driven him bonkers.

No wonder he laughs funnily.

I mean who laughs with a "Hohoho!"?

Poor guy.

I think we should have a "St. Nicholas Appreciation Day".

At the very least we'd commemorate his services,

Instead of leaving milk and cookies.

Heck, it's healthier!

Poor poor Nick.

(Disclaimer: Inspired by Neil Gaiman's Nicholas)

For the Broken Hearted

A telling of a broken heart, from a girl's perspective.

Or at least, how I see it.

When a girl's heart is broken,

There is a sort of pain.

You can't really express it.

You feel this great throbbing in your chest,

Your head starts to throb in pain as well.

Your tears come, for a while.

Sometimes it doesn't stop,

Sometimes they come in a few droplets.

Sometimes, you scream.

Because the pain is just much too great.

You can't talk,

Because sometimes words fail.

You sleep more,

Because you just don't want to feel the hurt.

Because you want an escape from reality.

So you no longer feel.

You wish for someone to hold you,

Because you just feel so alone.

It's like no one wants you.

It's like you aren't worth holding on to.

And you want someone to hold on to,

So you'd feel wanted, after all.

But when someone does hold you,

You'd still feel empty inside.

Because the one you want to hold you most,

Will never hold you again.

It's like the world has ended,

Because your love cannot be mended.

And when people tell you to move on,

That the past is in the past,

You just feel even more pressured.

Because although what they say is true,

How the hell can you be expected to forget someone who was once your entire world?

It's not easy.

When people call you desperate,

Saying there are tons of fishes in the sea,

You think,

Goddammit, I'm not stupid.

I know that very well!

It's just this one guy you want.

Why is he so special?

The answer to that, is in fact, simple.

You love him.

And what's so wrong with that?

Then you find that the tears no longer come.

And you no longer want to scream.

Because the hurt you felt a while ago, it's all numbed.

But it's still there.

In passing weeks you try,

To distract yourself,

To stop thinking about that jerk.

Because you need to stop hurting.

You hate feeling hurt.

So you want to feel happy.

You avoid everything that reminds you of him,

Because then you'd think of him.

Big no-no.

You guard your heart with steel and armor.

To make sure it doesn't hurt again.

But isn't it funny?

Because some of the time,

The creep drifts back into your mind.

Messes up your emotions,

Make you hurt even more.

Then you start missing him,

Something you absolutely hate.

But you can't help it.

Cos you just can't let go.

Now it's up to the next guy,

To distract you from the jerk,

Make you pay attention to him instead.

See if he can mend this broken heart at all.

But does it need to wait for the next guy?

Can't we just let go by ourselves?

I believe we can.

Girls, we've been doing it all wrong.

Instead of distracting ourselves, we should've let it all out.

Taken all the time we needed to let our anger, hurt and pain go.

It's okay to hurt and be angry.

It's even okay to love someone who used to love you.

And I know it hurts.

But tell me, what's wrong with having a little bit of love in our lives?

As much as it hurts, it's not wrong, is it?

Didn't you feel much better after crying over something hurtful?

Didn't you feel much better after screaming at your annoying brother who spilled Milo all over your assignment?

Well, apply that to your heartache.

Vent it, go all out.

See if you feel better after that.

Author's Note: Damn son, why do my ideas always come in the middle of the night? -.-

You said, They said

When you were 4,

You said,

I want to be like Superman!

I want to fly around,

Shoot laser beams from my eyes,

And fight bad guys!

They said,

No, that’s not possible,

Superman doesn’t even exist.

When you were 6,

You said,

I want to be the Prime Minister!

Lead my country,

Do better for my people.

They said,

That’s not possible,

It’s too hard.

When you were 12,

You said,

I want to be a doctor,

And find a cure for cancer.

They said,

Stop dreaming,

You aren’t smart enough.

When you were 16,

You said,

I want to be a rockstar,

Like Elvis and Jimi Hendrix,

A legend, rich and famous.

They said,

Get real,

You aren’t even talented.

When you were 20,

You said,

I want to change the world,

Make it a better place.

They said,

Who are you?

A tiny dot among billions.

Quit dreaming.

But when you think about it,

Most victories begin with a dream,

Usually with one person.

So why not be that person?

Who’s to say you can’t dream big?

Who’s to say it won’t come true?

So keep those dreams,

Dream as big as you want to,

And make them come true.

These Silly Things

I had just gotten off the bus after a group discussion at One Utama,

When it rained heavily.

So I ran as fast as I could to the nearest mamak stall for shelter.

A heavy downpour ensued.

Then a thought came.

"What if I walked in the rain? What would it feel like?"

There were many times, in fact, that I've pondered this question.

I never got the chance to play in the rain when I was a kid.

Mum always shooed me in whenever it started drizzling.

So I wondered and thought,

Then my curiousity (as always) got the better of me.

So I paid for my teh tarik, zipped up my bag, and walked out into the pouring rain.

At that moment, I knew I made the right decision.

The feeling of water showering down on me,

Every drip left an insatiable tingle against my skin.

I wanted more,

For the rain to really REALLY pour down on me.

I opened my arms wider to feel the rain.

I felt my lips curl into an intoxicated smile,

A bursting feeling came from the pit of my stomach,

And then, losing all resistance, I broke into laughter.

Then I twirled, like a madwoman dancing on the streets.

At that moment, I felt like a kid again.

I giggled and smiled to myself as I made my way home in the pouring rain,

Passersby in cars stared at me as though I was completely nuts.

I knew full well that my cold (I am sick at the moment) would very likely become even worse.

I also knew that when I got home, I would be greeted by my brothers with: "JIE JIE! WHY ARE YOU SO WET?"

Thank goodness my parents weren't home or else I'd get a walloping so bad....

But honestly?

I didn't care.

Because in that instance, I was just happy,

I was living in the moment.

I reveled in it.

Many times we've come across quotes and sayings that tell us to live in the moment,

We all agree to it.

Or at least, I do.

But how often do we REALLY carry it out?

When was the last time you really let lose?

Really REALLY lived in the moment, doing something completely crazy just because you felt like it?

As adults, we hang on to the perception that we must, MUST act as mature as possible, in every situation.

We say no, I'm not acting silly, I'll look stupid, people will think I'm crazy.

But really, it's you, making it up in your mind that it looks stupid.

And what do "people" know anyway?

For all you know, they could be living boring, flat lives.

Is that what you want, really?

While it may be good to be mature,

It's always great to let loose once in a while.

As I entered the working world, I started to feel the routine in my life.

I get up, go to work, do my work, come home, have dinner with my family, then I sleep.

And the next day, I do the exact same thing.

Back when I was a kid,

There was something new every day.

I could be the Yellow Ranger (of Power Rangers) saving the world from evil monsters one day,

Then a beautiful princess living in a beautiful castle the next.

Now if I were to do the things I did when I was a kid today at 20,

People would stare and say "Grow up, will you?"

But think, when you did all these things back then, weren't you happy?

Wasn't it great to just be silly, and not worry about what other people thought,

And just live?

Between looking respectable and being just plain happy, I'd choose the latter.

Wouldn't you?

Anew

I screamed,

I cried,

I laughed,

I sang,

I danced.

All of which, I did on the very same day.

It was amazing.

A roller coaster ride unlike any other.

Every twist and turn opened my eyes a little wider.

In the past two days, I underwent Personal Growth - a program in the Idea Rawkstarrs training course by 95% the Advertising Academy.

I am still, and always will be, completely blown away.

Because when I stepped out the classroom,

I felt lighter,

Like all my problems were washed away.

Every hurt, trauma, pain,

Completely let go.

I felt different, renewed.

I finally know who I am.

I see things so differently now.

There's no denying it,

The old Eileen died on 16th October 2010,

And on that same day, a new Eileen was born.

Thank you, so much to the 95% Advertising Academy,

Janet, Jonathan, Shahnaz, Felicia and Illyaz.

And the 7 other Rawkstarrs,

Jason, Uzair, Amelia, Mel, Yong, Asha and Hezne.

Your support was immense.

So much so that it's overwhelming.

I couldn't have done it without you.

A million thank you-s do not justify how grateful I am.

And now, I'm fired up and ready to take on the challenges that may ensue.

10/10/10

It's auspicious,

A great day to get married, they say.

Well, to the single folks (like me),

We don't exactly have an "other half" to do anything with on this day.

In my opinion? The only thing special about this day is the fact that such a number rarely happens.

And a few of my friend's birthdays are on this day.

Oh, and the "TENG TENG TENGGGGG!"

Not like I have a boyfriend to do anything special with today.

But really, is 10/10/10 just for couples?

I think not.

So tomorrow, I will go all out do 10 very exciting things.

Behold!

Eileen Woo's How-I-Keep-Myself-From-Being-Lifeless-When-I-Really-Am-(not) list:

1. Buy water guns, and have a water fight with my brothers.

2. Do a syok sendiri photoshoot. Hair, make up, the works.

3. Do homework (What else is new? Well, I still have responsibilities, you know.)

4. Start Kancil's entry. (yalah I procrastinated)

5. Continue doing uni search. Must not slack liao.

6. Call up all my close friends and yell "TENG TENG TENNGGG!" the minute they say hello.

7. After that remind them how much I love them else they'll never answer my calls.

8. Mop house. (Eh it's a good habit okay)

9. Start compiling portfolio.

10. Buy a GQ magazine. (What? It's good to get in touch with my.. Uh... Masculine side. No I am not secretly aspiring to be a male.)

Looks like a busy Sunday, don't it?

Teasers

Hell yeah, I'm so gonna watch this.

Are these posters the coolest or what?

A story to share

I was on the bus today to get ready to pick up the girlfriend from the hospital.

Then I noticed a man that sat right across from me.

As the bus made its stops.

The bus started to fill up more and more until it was really full.

But even through the crowd,

I could see that no one wanted to sit with him.

Was it that he looked weird?

Was it that his arms were slanted weirdly?

Was it that his eyes were different?

I look as no one sat beside him when there were clearly two spots beside him.

So I got up literally pushed aside people to sit right next to him and sat there while I listened to my iPod.

Something about him made me realize that the more different you are,

the more you get judged,

the more you get these weird looks.

Being on that bus alone made me realize,

it takes one person to make someone's day.

I felt his smile when I got off the bus.

I loved the fact that I could do that to just one person.

He’s handicap.

So what?

He ain’t perfect, and none of y'all can judge him.

Cause some of y'all are fat,

some of y'all have mad pimples,

some of y'all..wait EVERYONE has many things about them that they don’t like.

Don’t act like you’re perfect.

Act like you’re human.

That’s it.

__________________________________________

Disclaimer :

I didn't write this. I saw this story on Tumblr and thought: Hey, he's right you know. This happens a lot, don't you think?

Hello Again

Okay, so right after I announce a hiatus, I actually know what to write about. These bursts of inspirations are so unpredictable. 1 month of no blogging! That's a track record I got there. Here goes:

There's something about music that we all love.

I for one, enjoy it to a passion so strong, that if music ceased to exist, I might just jump off KL Tower.

What I love so much about music, is the emotion that each note conveys.

Listen to angry music, and you'll probably feel motivated to hit someone.

Listen to happy music, and your mood lifts up a little.

Don't you find it amazing how well music affects us all so easily?

We're talking about emotions, in people, the most difficult part of the human mind to manipulate.

You can't make people feel happy, sad, or angry.

It comes of free will.

But music, good music, pulls it off so easily.

Come to think of it, music and writing are actually quite similar.

I said similar, not the same.

Think about it, like I said, when you hear happy music, your mood lifts up a little.

Likewise with writing, a good author can evoke feelings that the reader wouldn't be feeling before the person reads his/her piece.

Remember the time you read Harry Potter? If you haven't read the book you seriously need to go dig a hole.

Now tell me, even if you didn't cry about it, that you weren't sad or outraged when Sirius died?

Or when Dumbledore died?

Okay so maybe you wanted them to die (if you did, I hate you), don't tell me you didn't at least have a burst of "YES NOW THEY'RE BOTH GONE! YOU DIE NOW POTTER! LONG LIVE THE DARK LORD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" sort of feeling? (you evil, evil person)

See, before hearing the melody, or reading the story,

People don't care.

I mean, why would they?

Why should they read or listen to something that has nothing to do with them?

We're all selfish by nature, when it all comes down to it.

So what makes us want to read? Or to listen to the music people make?

My guess is, that whatever was produced is powerful enough to make people love it.

Enough to catch their attention, and hold it, for hundreds of years.

This actually relates to advertising, in a strange way.

Or maybe not so strange.

The way I see it, advertising is pretty much fighting for that kind of attention people give music and stories.

A great ad, can actually make people on the street stop, and stare for a very very long time.

And do more than staring.

The ad would hit them right in the gut.

Mess up their emotions.

Make them happy, angry or sad.

They'd actually want to find out what it's all about,

Be able to relate to the ad, whatever it's selling.

Generate some sort of hype over the product,

And we're sold.

And what would make the ad even better?

The very fact that out of billions of ads created, it can still be remembered for years to come.

That's what I think.

How do we achieve that?

At the moment, I really can't answer this.

My time in the industry hasn't been long enough.

I say give it maybe a few years.

Then I'll come back to you on this.

To whom it may or may not concern,

Eileen Speaks is on hiatus till the writer receives divine inspiration on what to write.

For now, please feel free to go to my Tumblr (link on right).

Adios!

Tanggal Tiga Puluh Satu, Bulan Lapan, Lima Puluh Tujuh

53 years ago,

We gathered in the Kuala Lumpur Independence Stadium,

Our Father of Independence, Tunku Abdul Rahman led us all,

Proclaiming our freedom 7 times.

We each believed that we were truly free.

53 years later,

We still proclaim our freedom.

We announce our success in remaining free for the last 53 years,

Young as this country is, we still proudly say:

"We are free!"

Before you start thinking that this is yet another post about patriotism,

Let's stop for a bit.

From precisely 12AM onwards,

My friends began shouting "Selamat Hari Kemerdekaan!" (Happy Independence Day!),

In Facebook and Twitter.

I'm pretty sure the blogs are going to start having those patriotic posts pretty soon.

But I'm not going to wish a Happy Independence Day just yet.

A few days back, there was an issue on racism.

A Malay principal (Siti Inshah) told some Chinese students to "go back to China, if you don't like it here."

An uproar was caused.

People spoke out against it.

Some maniacs supported it.

And this is just one example.

In our History books,

We were told that the British agreed to give us our freedom,

On one condition. (I think there were many others but I can't remember them all)

And that condition was:

If, and only IF, our multiple races could live in harmony.

Then they would set us free.

So we managed to prove it to them.

53 years later,

We Chinese are being chased to go back to China.

Some have even stated that the Indians should go back to India as well.

And now I ask,

Is this living in harmony?

We were introduced to the whole 1Malaysia concept.

Meaning that we Malaysians should live as one.

Are we?

I am young,

I may not know much,

So I might be wrong.

But I'm pretty sure I was brought up to accept those of a difference race.

No discrimination.

That's what our Moral books say.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is this not a form of discrimination?

If the British back then, saw how we are right now,

Do you honestly believe that they would have signed the Declaration?

People from foreign countries have applauded us,

Saying how stunned they are to see so many races in one country living in harmony.

Are we truly living up to their praise?

There are many reasons as to why we are still considered a third world country.

And this, is one of it.

We speak and hope for progress.

But what exactly are we, the Malaysians doing about it?

Can we truly say that we are free?

Because the last time I checked,

This attitude - the unwillingness of our people to accept each other, isn't part of feeling free.

This isn't progress.

If anything, this barbaric nature is a sign of moving backwards.

Now I'm not saying everyone is racist here.

I myself, a Chinese, along with a lot of people that I know, live in harmony with other races.

We do have Malay, Indian, Iban, Kadazan, etc. friends.

And we do not discriminate each other.

What I'm talking about are those small minded people,

The ones who refuse to accept.

After 53 years,

These people still so underdeveloped that their minds are still unable to compute the very fact that they need to be more civilised.

Are we not educated enough?

Will there ever be a day, where all races unite as one,

And truly call this country our own?

I can honestly say that I love my country.

I'm proud being a Malaysian.

After all, this is who I am.

This is my home.

But it is issues such as this that make me question,

Are we really merdeka (free)?

I'm not about to pretend that everything's all fine and rosy.

Because it simply isn't true.

I'm not sure if what I say here is going to make any difference,

But if this gets through to at least one person,

Then this would be worth it.

Over and Done with?

Alright now,

I'm no great shakes as a writer.

In fact, I probably suck worse than most writers.

Which is probably why this blog has so little viewers.

So why am I continuing?

Wouldn't it be better for me to just.. Delete this entire blog?

I might as well do it.

To tell the truth, a while back I was considering converting to Tumblr (yes I know I have a Tumblg), and deleting this blog.

So I created my Tumblg.

Proceeded to set it up.

Followed people, reblogged, posted whatever lame stuff I thought was cool.

Then I proceeded to my Blogger account.

Clicked to my account page, and proceeded to the little icon that said "Delete Blog".

Then I stopped.

I couldn't do it.

My rational mind was going "Come on, idiot! Click the stupid icon!"

But I didn't.

Now I'll tell you why I didn't.

It's the same reason why you're still able to read this lousy excuse of a blog.

It's because I love writing.

And yes, maybe I do suck.

Maybe the topics I come up with, suck more than the suckiest blogs around.

Maybe in a few years' time when I'm a seasoned copywriter, I'll look back and smack myself for being so boring.

But at this moment I know that I love what I'm doing.

And I'm definitely getting better.

Sucks to you, haters.

Eileen Speaks is here to stay.

From What I've Learned

Okay so I've jumped ship.

The Account Executive turned into a Copywriter.

It's like trading my office skirt for a pair of jeans.

Not that I'm complaining.

It was a personal decision entirely.

The reason?

I'm not telling here.

So far in a month, I've actually learned a lot.

In my 2 weeks as an Account Executive,

I've learned courage,

Strength,

And the fact that you need to smile all the time.

Act like nothing's wrong.

Even after you got screwed really badly by your boss/client.

That, needs a lot of strength.

So now I'm a copywriter -in-training.

Now this, this is a whole new ball game.

You're talking to more than your client, your boss, and everyone else in the agency.

You're talking to almost everyone on the face of the Earth.

You're fighting with 100 million something advertisers on this planet,

Along with other forms of mass media,

Movies, Drama serials, News... And a whole lot more.

Just to grab the attention of not just one, but at least a million people.

That takes creativity.

With that, comes insanity.

So let's see how this goes.

Jason Walker - Down

Not that I'm emo or anything,

Neither am I a fan of Vampire Diaries.

But I've been addicted to this song for about a week, so I feel the need to post it up.

Enjoy!

When You Fall

"So you failed. Alright you really failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You think I care about that? I do understand. You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling."

-Clair Colbourn, Elizabethtown

So for all of you who've been going through hard times,

This is for you.

Deirdre, my little sis, this is especially for you.

You're stronger than you think.

So when you fall, be strong.

We all have out fair share of shit to go through.

But it's how each of us deal with it that matters.

It's hard, but once you get through,

You'll feel awesome. :)

One of the hardest things

In the years to come,
Will you think about these moments that we shared?

I'll miss you.

In the years to come,
Are you gonna think it over,

And how we lived each day with no regrets?

I would.

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to,
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you.

So we let go.

In a year from now,
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we'd never said.

Maybe.

In a year from now,
Maybe we'll see each other, standing on the same street corner though it rains.

I pray.

Each and every end is always written in the stars,
If only i could stop the World I'd make this last.

If I could, I would.

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny,
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me.

Though its the hardest thing to say,
I'll miss your love in every way.

So say goodbye,
But don't you cry,

'cause true love never dies.

I'm a sap. Unfortunately.