Friday, December 31, 2010

Dear 2010,

Where do I start?

You've been such a huge roller coaster ride.

You brought me love,

Thrilling me and making me feel so lucky in every way.

Then you took it away,

Hurting me, and leaving me emotionally drained.

Unhappy and wanting to give up on everything and running away.

You nearly made me crumble into pieces.

Then you knocked some sense into me,

Made me stand up and move on with my life.

You taught me lessons, that no teacher could teach.

Helped me grow, so that I'm no longer the person I used to be.

You pushed me beyond what I thought were my limitations,

And showed me that my capabilities lay far beyond what I thought they were.

You brought me such amazing people, that I never thought I'd ever meet.

Who'd support me, love me, and believe in me,

Possibly even more than I've ever loved or believed in myself.

You gave me opportunities beyond my imagination.

Some of which, I screwed up,

Some of which, I succeeded.

It's surprising how much one year could bring me.

It's even more surprising how much it would change me.

2010, I don't really know how I feel about you.

I am grateful, and bitter at the very same time.

Grateful for the good,

Bitter for the bad.

Perhaps it really is time to let go of the bitterness,

To move on in the next year, I think.

I will not, however, force it.

Because the more I do, the worse I'd feel.

So I'm gonna take my time.

I stand now on the cusp of my life,

Where a new chapter is about to begin.

I have the job that I set my mind to achieve.

I have the salary beyond my expectations.

I have people beside me, believing in me, and supporting me in every way they can.

2010, it seems too soon to say goodbye now.

My wish is that this goodbye brings the start of something great.

So goodbye, 2010,

And hello, 2011.

I don't know what you'll bring me,

But I'm sure it won't break me.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Dear you,

I get that you love him.

Even more than he could ever imagine.

I get that he probably has no freaking clue how much you love him,

And how much you wish he were yours.

Believe me, I know it hurts.

I can imagine how you feel right now.

And it's not a bad thing.

I think it's great that you can love someone so deeply.

It's Love.

What's wrong with that?

Some people let their lives pass them by without even feeling it.

I get that people are telling you to move on,

And how frustrated you are that you just can't seem to forget.

So you start thinking that you haven't moved on.

But you have.

Bit by bit, you've grown.

You just never noticed.

All you need, is time.

So take your time.

It will hurt, trust me.

The pain will come from time to time,

Haunting you, tormenting you,

Making you feel so defenseless and alone.

But it's ok, really.

All it really means is that you're human. And humans feel these things.

Know that the more you face your pain,

The braver and stronger you'll be.

And you know, after a while, it won't hurt so bad.

It'll go, trust me.

They say that time heals all wounds,

And they're right.

Give it time.

It will fade.

I know you can do this.

'Cos you're worth so much more.


Sunday, December 12, 2010

For Them, or Us?


I wish that I, or someone invented a machine.

A machine to wipe off memories.

So I could take away all that was hurtful,

And leave the happy ones instead.

Because from time to time,

These memories come back and haunt me.

Taunting me with their presence.

Making me regret all that I've done,

And all that I've been.

I'd wish for a chance to turn back time,

And do it over.

Those nights when I lay awake, not sleeping,

Are the very worst.

These memories come back full force,

Jeering at me over all the mistakes I've made in my short life.

"Stop!" I'd scream in agony. "Go away! Leave me alone!"

They never do.

Aren't I human?

Can't I make mistakes too?

I thought we learned from our mistakes, and grew from them.

Isn't that how it's supposed to be?

How the hell am I supposed to know what was right and wrong,

What worked and didn't, if I never knew what choice to make?

Why does everyone expect everyone else to do the right thing, and make the right choices?

What's wrong with being wrong?

Can't we learn from that?

Do we live for the expectations of others,

Or for our own?

Friday, December 10, 2010

Heartbroken Guy Commits Suicide

Yesterday at work,

I got news from a friend about a guy who committed suicide.

'Cos of a failed relationship.

He posted a countdown on his Facebook wall.

Left a last note to tell his family not to blame the girl,

"i love u…i said it i meant it…i’ll love u till the moment i die

devil bin this is the way how i love,perhaps ppl will think it was crazy

i’ve never tried to put down my pride my dignity my ego-ness on my first ex…but u were totally diff,i put down my pride my dignity my every shit

just to beg u….but i failed…as always im just a failure in a relation

but that’s just me,i’ll only do the things which i think its worth…

will i became ur memory forever ? who knows..since u were already special when the first sight i saw u…

perhaps,u’ll just fucking laugh at me…i bet there’s plenty of ppl will laugh too =) but who cares ?

that’s just me…that’s the way i are….

the last thing

i do appreciate everything about us….u were the light in my life..u given me determination for my future…but everything is gone…i don’t blame u actually…

because ~ so just wish u’ll have ya happy life in d future

ILY & IMY ~ sorry that i couldn’t brings u to walk until the end of the day

P/S : Please do not blame her….Im the one who decided this..she’s just the one given me the motivation n courage… my FAMILY,please..i beg of u all,dont ever blame on her…


"first time i take a pic when i were crying..looks sucks...anyway thats the last pic of mine b4 i gg =)"

And jumped off a building.

As I read his last status,

All his friends' desperate attempts to find him,

I could replay the scenes of what happened before his death through my mind's eye.

My heart broke bit by bit.

It really was as though the comments left by his friends were documenting all that had happened.

The most disturbing part was that the first guy I ever dated kept threatening to do the same thing, every time I wanted to break up with him.

I'm not gonna lie,

I've been depressed over break up-s too.

There were moments when I just wanted time to stop,

Or to shut my eyes and escape elsewhere.

The feeling of wanting to cut briefly flashed through my mind.

Even though I didn't do it,

I can understand what this guy was going through.

A small part of it.

So I won't call him stupid.

Who am I, or we, to be the judge of that?

Could we truly feel what he felt,

And know what he was going through?

The level of depression he had was probably too deep for anyone to comprehend.

From what I know, it takes a lot of guts to commit suicide.

They always call it the coward's way out,

And maybe it's true.

But imagine, wanting to leap from a tall building,

Consciously knowing that death waited for you on the other side.

Not knowing where death would take you.

I'll bet you'd have moments of hesitation, too.

It'd take a lot out of you to take that leap.

They say that the last thought that goes through the mind of a person committing suicide,

Is that they want to live.

Everyone wants to, we're all scared of death.

We don't mention it so often,

But we are.

So don't call him stupid or a coward.

It's really not our place.

I don't know the guy, I've never met him, in fact.

But I do know that it is a huge loss.

This guy probably had a bright future ahead of him,

And now we'll never know.

Reading all the comments on his status makes it all clear,

That he was well-loved by his family and friends.

And the pain they have to go through now, is just.. Indescribable.

I hope that you, whoever you are,

If you're reading this and you're planning to do the same thing.

Taking your own life doesn't only affect you.

Know that it's the people you leave behind who are affected the most.

I send my condolences to his family and friends.

God be with you in your time of pain.

Rest in peace, Alviss Kong.

P/S: I've realised that the suicide note in Facebook is now no longer available. So I've copy pasted it on from another site.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Walking On Water

You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?

Time and time again, I've doubted myself.
What if, I really don't get what I want?
What if, someone else gets it, and I'm left all alone,
Out in the cold?

I have big dreams.
Bigger than me.
I dream to do the impossible.
I dream to take on the unknown.

Sometimes it just seems so far away,
So unobtainable.
Even when I tell anyone about what I want to do,
I feel my knees quake.

I know that there are so many ways that I would fail,
That I would fall and get hurt.

I'm scared.

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

But then I know,
If I don't take on what I want to do,
I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
I know I won't ever live it down.

I also know that there are people who believe in me,
And will support me through it all.

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

So then I chose to walk that path,
Filled with cobblestones and sharp knives.
I let go of that fear, and jumped.

What's impossible, anyway?
There really isn't such a thing.
It's just a reason for someone not to try.

So get out, and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait, and don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for, I know you're not sure
So you play it safe, you try to run away

Despite choosing,
I'd still go, "Wait, is this right? What, am I crazy? This is dangerous, shouldn't I be stopping?"

"Shouldn't I turn back?"

What if I do fail?
But what if I don't?
How will I know, unless I keep going?

I nearly gave up.
But then I realised that if I did, I wouldn't know what lay ahead.
I'd miss out on what was waiting for me at the end of this difficult road.
The only way to know, is to try.

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you
Telling you to give up

Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting for?

So really, there isn't anything for me to wait for.
Except for myself,
To take the chance and leap.

I'm still chasing my dreams,
Still stumbling, falling and getting hurt along the way.
But I'm not stopping till I've achieved them.

I've taken on a new belief,
The belief that nothing in this world is impossible.

Just difficult.


Dear you,

Please don't give up on your dreams.
Remember, even the greatest people on Earth started off like we did.
And it wasn't easy for them, either.
So stick with your dreams, however crazy.
'Cos you never know,

They just might come true.



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