Tis the Season. The Red One.

Chinese New Year.

The one period of time in the entire year when people (Chinese people) wear red (not so true now, it's not necessary),

go around asking for money in red packets,

give away fruits (oranges, mind you),

watch these athletic men under a huge costume that is supposed to look like a lion jump from pole to pole,

and basically everywhere with overly loud music that sounds like:

CLANG CLANG! BOOM BOOM! CLANG! TONGGG!!!

Lion dance.

Now don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy watching it.

Though when I has small I had this morbid fear of lion dancing.

Ironically, my great grandpa was a lion dancer.

But why on earth do people call it a lion dance?

I mean they don't even look like lions.

Actual lion.

Where is the similarity I ask you?

It doesn't even have a mane.

The night before,

the family gathers 'round and eats together.

Your elders will refuse to eat a bite till every auntie, uncle, parakeet, cousin, dog, cat, mouse, hamster and whatever family members you have are present.

You will tahan the hunger pangs.

Because if you don't,

One of the elders will scream at the top of his/her voice.

Hence inviting a wave of nagging people directly at you.

Chinese New Year is also the one time when relatives (from far and wide) gather to meet each other.

Aunties give you red packets,

You thank them profusely,

and simultaneously grin, thinking: "YES! MONEY!"

Single people over 30 (especially women), dread this though.

Why?

One simple answer.

"Ah girl/boy ah, WHEN are you going to get married ah?"

aunties, especially, love this question.

And if you don't give them a satisfactory answer...

"You know ah, opposite my house got this auntie, she say hor got this very nice shampoo girl at Jalan Rhinocerous. I introduce to you lah!"

Typical example of auntie matchmaking, for the guys.

For the girls, it'd be...

"Oh you know that Mrs. Pork Chop ah, got this very handsome son! He works as an Engineer at the Chicken Chop company. I ask her to introduce to you lah!"

Subtly indicating to you that they want you to get married and have babies.

And you find ways to convince them not to.

And in the end, you lose, and go (reluctantly) for (possibly) the worst blind date of your life.

Or it might turn out great, I don't know.

Thankfully, I don't get that from my aunties during CNY.

Unfortunately, I get them during weddings.

"So Ah Shoon (My dad's nickname in the family), when can we go for this one's (referring to me) wedding?"

Not too soon yet, I assure you auntie.

And we all pile into our cars and head off visiting these relatives in return.

Under the hot blazing sun.

Then we all sit down, eat and yak.

And we gamble (CHOR DAI TI! MAHJONG! To which till this day I have no idea whatsoever how to play mahjong.).

And we drink.

At the end of the day we get all sweaty because the weather is friggin' hot.

Some of us slightly drunk.

And we go home, extremely tired.

And the next day we repeat the same routine.....

Typical Chinese New Year.

I don't know why I'm posting this.

I think it's the boredom.

I am seriously crapping.

In any case,

It's early,

But I doubt I'll have time to do this afterwards.

So,

Happy Chinese New Year all. :)