If I should have a daughter

I'll tell her this.

It's far from over

Ever had those moments,

When life is just so difficult,

And you just wanted to curl up in bed,

And cry?

Feeling broken

Barely holding on

But there's just something so strong

Somewhere inside me

And I am down but I'll get up again

Don't count me out just yet

When it seems like the whole world is against you,

Like you can't seem to do anything right,

When you just feel so tired,

You want it all to stop.

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

You haven't seen the last of me

But you know,

You know it can't stop.

You know that at some point,

You'll have to stand up and face it all.

And fight.

And not give up.

And there are voices saying:

"You can't do it. You'll just fail, and fail, and fail."

"What's the point?"

"You won't last long."

"You may as well give up."

"Save yourself the humiliation."

"Give up."

They can say that

I won't stay around

But I'm gonna stand my ground

You're not gonna stop me

You don't know me

You don't know who I am

Don't count me out so fast

But you know,

It's never really over.

Unless you let it.

Unless you allow yourself to fall.

Right?

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

A battle is only truly lost,

When the warrior gives up.

There will be no fade out

This is not the end

I'm down now

But I'll be standing tall again

Times are hard but

I was built tough

I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of

You may fail,

You may lose,

You may get yourself into a whole load of shit.

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

I am far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

But you know what?

It's okay.

No no

I'm not going nowhere

I'm staying right here

Oh no

You won't see me begging

I'm not taking my bow

Can't stop me

It's not the end

You haven't seen the last of me

Oh no

You haven't seen the last of me

You haven't seen the last of me

'Cos if you want that rainbow,

You gotta put up with the rain.

P/S: The above phrase was inspired by Dolly Parton.

I'm a bit busy

Okay, that's an excuse.

I haven't actually bothered to really sit down and blog.

Or even to think of a topic.

I have a few drafts down, but I end up not finishing them.

The frustration of a writer is imminent in them.

So I ended up not updating this blog for days.

Then the days turned into weeks,

And before I knew it, it was already a month.

I'll need to figure out what the heck is wrong with me.

So for now, I'l be posting up videos.

Till, then. Please enjoy this.

Au revoir.

Two Ways

In issues that cross our path,

There are two ways of looking at it, I believe.

You can either complain and whine about it, blame it on someone else,

And be a pathetic victim.

Or, you can own up to it, learn from it,

And move on with your life, more grown up than before.

For example:

Let's say, you were supposed to compile information from everyone in the company,

But some weren't cooperative, and you ended up not being able to complete your task.

In knowing this, your boss gave you such an ass-whooping lecture,

That you cried in one corner of the office toilet all day.

At this point, you have 2 choices:

1. Blame the irresponsible bastards who didn't cooperate with you.

"It's all THEIR fault! They didn't cooperate with me! I asked them to give me the info but they just didn't listen!!" etc. etc. etc.

or 2. Own up to it. You probably didn't push hard enough, you weren't firm enough with them, and you let them push you around. Or something along those lines.

"I wasn't firm, and I probably didn't come across as 'I mean business, assholes, gimme your data or I will report you to the boss'. Next time, I'll be more firm."

Notice how powerful the second option sounds?

In every thing we do, we always have a choice.

It's always either A, B, or C.

I think we're sorta programmed to pick the one that we deem "the best" for ourselves.

Sometimes, those choices really do turn out for the best, because we choose what we think is the best choice at the moment.

And sometimes, those choices are made because it's the easiest way out, 'cos we just don't want to face the issue.

Like in the example I listed,

It's always easier to choose option number 1,

'cos you get all the "Oh poor you!"-s and the sympathetic hugs.

And it makes us feel good.

With option number 2,

We don't get any of that.

At the very most, we get "Yes, now you know, don't do it again."

So it doesn't feel all that satisfying to us at all.

But notice how choosing option 1 makes you seem so small in the eyes of others,

And how choosing option 2 makes you seem so admirable?

I suppose it's a matter of opinion at this point:

Whether you want to be pitied and mollycoddled in being a victim,

or to be admired and respected in owning up to your mistakes.

The choice is really up to you.

What if-s

At some point in our lives,

We'd start questioning ourselves with "what if?"

What if I stopped being lazy, and sat down and really studied?

What if I never listened to my mum, and picked the job I really wanted?

What if I continued exercising everyday, and never slacked?

What if I had enough guts to ask that hot babe out?

What if I never let him go?

The problem with "what if", is that your chance has already passed.

Or, you're uncertain of what you want to do.

I used to be this person, who'd always let herself down.

Really, I played on self-sabotage, all the time.

Honestly, it sucked.

Looking back, I know things would be so different for me now,

If I actually did things differently.

If I studied, I would've gotten straight As in my SPM.

If I pursued music further, I wouldn't be in advertising. I'd probably have ended up in MPO or something.

If I practiced my tennis more, I'd have won some competitions.

If I pursued my love of performing, I would've ended up in the theater.

The thing about me, that I'm very sure of at this point,

Is that I know I have tons of potential in me.

But my mistake was, I let myself down.

But then again, I wouldn't exchange any part of what I have now,

To get what I could've gotten way back then.

Sure, I'm not in the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra,

Yeah, I'm not a straight A student,

And of course, I never so much as entered any tennis competitions.

But I have a job that I absolutely love,

A career that's off to a flying start,

Achievements that most people my age never get till much later,

Experiences that most people my age don't encounter till about.... 4 years later,

And a future that is, although uncertain, definitely off to a good start.

So I've stopped asking myself "what if?",

And turned it into "what else?".

What else can I do, to make my ideas better?

What else is there, for me to improve?

What else can I do, to get that creative award?

What else can I do, to win the next creative pitch?

What else can I do, to wow my clients?

What else can I do, to bring myself one more step closer to my dreams?

Doesn't that sound better, than all of the "what if-s" in our lives combined?

And I think you're lucky too.

A friend of mine once commented that I was lucky to be single.

And that it's better to be that way 'cos she thinks being in a relationship is more... Troublesome.

I can't see why she should feel that way.

Sure, I have all the privileges.

The whole commitment-free thing.

The exclusion of drama, and the excessive hurt.

I'm pretty content with my life right now.

It's great.

But only sometimes.

I do get moments when I feel very alone.

Isn't it great to have someone text or call you in the middle of the day just to tell you they loved you?

Isn't it great to have one person on your mind, the minute you wake up, and the moment you fall asleep?

Isn't it nice to have someone you look forward to seeing, at the end of the day, or when a date is set up?

I know when I had a boyfriend I loved all of these things.

I never thought, for a single moment that all these were chores.

These days, when I'm down, sometimes, I have no freaking clue about who I should be calling.

I mean, I can't keep calling up my friends every time I feel emotional and intrude on their lives.

They have other commitments too.

When you're attached, it's always that one person you'd call to listen to you or comfort you.

And boy, do they do it so easily,

It's almost like magic.

When you're attached,

Notice how you have someone to miss.

It kills you sometimes cos the person isn't right next to you,

But you have someone to miss,

Even if they're on the other side of the world.

There is a physical being that you long for.

For you attached people,

That certain someone is most likely to miss you back.

Isn't that beautiful already?

In my case, the person I miss, isn't ever gonna miss me.

That's for sure.

When you fight,

Notice how you have someone to fight with?

I'm not talking about a fight between friends, family or total strangers.

I'm talking about a lover's quarrel.

The type that once you make up, things are sweeter than ever.

And I think that's beautiful too.

You have someone you actually wanna hold on to,

And someone who wants to hold on to you, too.

And you both have something worth fighting for.

And when you're both together,

It's like the whole world melts away,

And it's just the two of you.

And I know that this is one thing that you don't want anyone to take away from you.

So isn't it great, after all, to be in love?

If anything right now, dear friend, I think you're pretty lucky too.

After I Write

Sometimes,

I grow afraid of rereading what I've written.

Don't get me wrong, I love writing.

It's rereading it all that I have a problem with.

Not when I'm rereading it and editing it before I publish my posts.

It's more of... After a long period of time, after I've written and published it.

I'd have a fear of rereading it.

It's not because I'm afraid of mistakes in my posts,

But because sometimes the stuff I put in, are a huge reflection of myself.

You see, as a writer, I put my entire soul in whenever I write.

I'm really one of those people who "Write drunk, and edit sober."

I pour bits and pieces of myself, like how I feel, what I'm thinking...

The scariest is the "How I feel" part, though.

You know when people say, that the hardest person to face, is yourself?

It's really true for me.

People who know me, know that I have no problem with guts.

Heck, I'm the crazy girl who walked up to one of the world's best copywriters and asked him straight up for a job.

But when it comes to reaching down and really feeling my own feelings,

Trying to get to know myself, and just really getting in touch with who I am,

It's scary.

It's this feeling that you get when you don't want to face it,

But you kinda know that you have to.

At the end of my training at 95% the Advertising Academy,

I was told that the hardest part for me to go through now,

Is to face myself.

And it really is true.

It's like you gotta revisit some part of yourself that you don't really want to acknowledge.

All your uglies, your weaknesses...

Things about yourself that you aren't proud of.

Perhaps I'm afraid of facing the truth.

Or perhaps the memories that the posts invoke in me are the ones I'm running away from.

Because these posts I write are built up on memories and emotions.

Revisiting them, especially the bad memories, pain me at times.

So as the writer, the one person who is most clear on what the posts are talking about, all the underlying meanings,

It hits me, hard.

The feelings I didn't want to face, or have been running away from,

They come at me, full force.

So what do I do about it?

Once upon a time I was this little girl who just wanted to run away from facing these things, 'cos it scared me too much.

Well the little girl isn't so little anymore.

So I do the exact opposite of what I've been doing all along.

I've got to face it.

Sometimes in life, you gotta face your fears.

Running away solves nothing.

If anything, the pain would come back, worse than ever.

No matter how many uglies I'm gonna have to go through,

This is the one thing I know I won't regret, once I go through with it.